Parking - An Affirmation Of Manhood

Posted by User Contributed

July 5, 2008

Parking is not for the faint of heart. It is so challenging a pursuit, in fact, only the manliest of men should attempt to use parking as a way to impress women. Today’s man-about-town should be able to park any vehicle anytime, anywhere, and under any situation — be it in a lonely basement or a tiny slot, and whether with two hands on the wheel or while gripping a liquor flask. Your date would not say so, but furtively, she is rating your ability to park.

Grocery Store Lot Parking

This it the best time to show brute force. Mow down whatever grocery cart stands between you and your spot. As for spots, never angle for a spot. Take the first one you see. It’s a crime to wait in line. You are at the grocery store lot, not by the counter waiting for your turn to pay for the leather wine carrier you plucked out of the shelves.

Angled Parking

This is the perfect time to assert your superiority. Take up two spaces at the very least. If you’re the over-achieving type, set your sights higher and occupy four. There’s no limit to the space you can occupy. In general, the more slots you take up, the clearer you can convince your lady friend you’re the man every other driver in the city cowers before.

Parallel Parking

Set your sight on the car in front of the spot you intend to take. Then, slowly back up before making an instant turn. To score extra points, appear extremely bored by the maneuver by puffing on a cigar or fiddling with your cigar accessories at the same time.

Reverse Parallel Parking

Pick a reference point, preferably the door lock, door edge, or halfway across the rear passenger side’s window. This point is the spot to aim for before you start reversing into the parking area.

Valet Parking

To accept valet service or not? The answer hinges upon who you’re with. If your date is gullible or is actually putty in your hands, valet parking is a must. You don’t want her straining her legs before she absolutely has to; that should come later. If, on the other hand, you’re with a woman who is sullen, cynical, ugly, or a blood relative, go ahead and park as far away as possible from the entrance.

Remember, men are often associated with their engines, and how attuned they are to these. To be every inch the modern Casanova, know how to park your car before you decide to park yourself.

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